four years ago....

Four years ago today I married my childhood sweetheart.I woke up knowing my dreams of being Russell's wife were finally going to become a reality.I had known Russell my entire life, literally, my ENTIRE life. We grew up together, and I think I had a crush on him since elementary school. Finally in 8th grade, we started "going out". What does that even mean in junior high?? We went to movies on the weekends and saw each other at church. I begged my parents to take me to his football or baseball games, and I was one proud girlfriend at his games! We broke up, got back together, broke up, got back together, and so on, all through high school. It was rocky! This even continued though college. Did we love each other? Yes, but we were so immature! While in college, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and Russell and I were on an "off" period. There was nobody else in the world I wanted to call than him, but I refused to call him (immature??). Luckily, he called me, I rushed home from school to be with my mom and Russell, and the rest is history. From that point on, we realized how precious life is, how much we love one another, and today we celebrate four years of marriage! :) He's the best!! I'm sure every wife says that, but he really is the best for me!
A few of the many reasons I adore my husband...

-He works incredibly hard! It doesn't matter if a client calls him at midnight or in the middle of dinner, he is willing to do whatever it takes to make the client happy. Although this often annoys me, I know this is a necessary evil, and this is what makes him so valuable at work!
-He entertains my crazy ideas. When I decided to take in De'von, Tron, and Ja'Vontray, Russell didn't even flinch. He went into the situation with an open heart and mind. He coaches sports for De'Von, and attends all the games. He gives them talks (lectures), helps them with homework, and is an amazing male role model for them.
-He makes me laugh, everyday! He does some ridiculous dances around the house that are so hilarious!! You would have to be very special to see one of these little jigs, so I consider myself on the top of his list. :) He also wakes me up every morning during the school year with little songs that he makes up. They usually have to do with that day of the week or something to do with that time of year. For example, when it was close to the end of the year, all of his songs had to do with it being close to summer, and they are always silly. It's the best way to wake up!
-He takes care of our pets like he wanted them first. I wanted Maggie, he didn't want a pet, so we compromised and got Maggie. :) Maggie adores Russell and is constantly with him when he's home, and he adores her. If you didn't know I was the one that wanted her, you would think she had been his dog for 10 years. Then I decided I wanted a kitten so I got Maverick, and he takes care of him as well. Maverick now curls up with Russell every night. They both curl up next to Russell at night, one on each side.
-Above everything else, he loves me and takes care of me. I know I can call him when I need him and he will drop everything to come to me. I know that when I'm sad or scared, he will comfort me. When I'm sick, he always takes excellent care of me. He shares my goals and dreams, and he works hard so that we can see those come to reality.

I feel truly blessed to be Mrs. Reagan, I wouldn't choose any other man for me!!

June Update

This is the end of the third week of summer. So far, I’ve had several medical tests done, spent some time at the pool, and slept a lot!! When I’m not doing one of the above, I’m either at basketball practice or a tournament.

On the medical front, they have cleared my heart, even though I did pass out during the tilt table test at the hospital. My vision has changed in the last few months, which indicates the cyst on my pineal gland (located next to my optical nerve) has gotten larger. We are waiting on my neurologist to get back from maternity leave so we can get that checked out. Seizures are still happening, and it didn’t help that I ran out of medicine a few days ago (oops!).

Basketball is going well. We have amazing coaches that truly love the boys. We have an out of town tournament this weekend (in Ennis). We don’t plan on staying in Ennis, but the boys are. Actually, we were going to stay in Ennis, but Russell kind of messed up those plans, more on that later. We’ve been trying to come up with something the coaches can do with the boys after basketball season is over that is not basketball related. They wanted to take them on some type of small vacation to celebrate the end of the season. Since they both played for the Cowboys, I suggested taking them down to San Antonio for training camp at the beginning of August. They thought this was a great idea since they can get the boys on the field and everything. I’m so excited!! I think Russell and I might have to tag along for that trip!

My birthday is next Tuesday. Russell thought he would plan ahead and order tickets for us to go to a comedy club in downtown Ft. Worth with our best friends (Kasey and Lee) called Four Day Weekend. He ordered tickets for this Saturday night, not even thinking about the Ennis tournament. He contacted Kasey about it, planned dinner at Joe T. Garcia’s for before the show, and then was so excited to tell me. Of course, I was less than excited, because we had plans to be in Ennis, and I planned on us staying there. So, change of plans. We will just go down to Ennis EARLY Saturday morning, watch 2 of the 3 games that day, drive back to Irving to let sweet Maggie out, drive to Ft. Worth for the show, and then eat. Then we will have to get up EARLY on Sunday morning to return to Ennis for the tournament wrap up. It was really sweet of him to think of doing that, but it was just not a good weekend for it.

Changing subjects, we are doing the whole Dave Ramsey budget thing. The little envelope system thing, yeah, fun. I have resisted this for years, literally, years. Christmas 2005 my sister-in-law bought Russell a Dave Ramsey book, which he read, and got so excited about. I, of course, wasn’t on board. He would occasionally talk about it, but I just tuned him out. Well, after seeing how much we have on our credit cards, and knowing we would like to adopt a baby someday, I’ve decided I have no other choice. So, we sat down a few weeks ago and looked at our budget. This has actually given me some peace of mind. I know how much money we can spend on everything, the boys know how much money they have each week (yes, they have their own envelope), and it’s working out nicely. It’s so funny to hear the boys discuss what they want to do with their money each week. It cost of fortune to stop and get them food after a game or practice. So they have been really thinking twice, and even have decided to split their meals with each other a time or two. Of course, as soon as we decided to do this, I needed four brand new tires for my car, not exactly in the budget. At that point, I was ready to give up, that was two days after we decided to start the whole budget thing and it was just ruined in my mind. THEN, the next day, Russell was offered a promotion at work, which brings even more change. So, there are lots of changes at our house, but they are all good. I’m trying to adjust. With it being summertime, I’m having to stay home, otherwise I’m afraid I’ll just randomly spend money while I’m out. That has gotten me into lots of trouble in the past!

A friend of mine from work had two fish in her classroom that needed a new home. I thought having fish in my classroom would be fun, so I adopted them. Of course, I couldn’t leave them at the school for the summer, so they are here at the house now. They have a smaller tank at the house, while the larger tank awaits their return at school. Maverick is IN LOVE with the fish. He sits by the tank all day and just watches them. However, he may be more in love with their fish flakes that they get to eat. When Russell goes to the pantry to get their food out, Maverick goes crazy!! It’s kind of like fish flakes are like kitty cat speed or something, it makes him go wild!

Prior to the budget fun, I bought myself a new camera (from Russell) for my birthday. I’m not sure if it takes better pictures than our older one, but it’s so much smaller and easier to travel with. So, I’ll leave you with a few June pictures.

Part of the team after a hard fought win last weekend. De'Von is the one digging through the backpack, most likely NOT paying attention!!

Jameson at Hard 8, anxiously awaiting the arrival of his french fries!!

Such a sweet boy! :)

I know this was all over the place and random, but that's how things are these days.

SUMMER!!!!

DONE and DONE!!! School is out for summer!! TAKS scores are in, report cards sent home, room is mostly clean, and tomorrow is my last day in the building until August (as far as I know). My kids did very well on their TAKS tests. We had 100 % pass reading, 100 % writing, and 86 % in math. I'm very proud of them, they worked incredibly hard. Today I'm not sad, I'm highly relieved and looking forward to some rest next week. Next week, I'll be sad and I'll miss them. That's all for now.

tear jerker...

So, I'm home today. After a "seizure" last night, I hit my head really hard. Russell had a hard time waking me up this morning because I couldn't heard a thing. Needless to say, I wasn't going to be able to deal with 19 fourth graders not be able to hear them...that could get tricky.

This afternoon, while have Oprah turned up full blast, I lost it. They had dads on the show, talking about dads that are doing amazing jobs raising their kids. The last dad they talked about was a soldier, that met his child once, and then went back to war and was killed. This dad kept a journal for his son, and wrote life lessons in the journal. This was part of the journal that they read on the show, and I thought these few sentences were so powerful for his young son. I hope my boys can learn this life lesson...

"Be humble about your accomplishments.
Work harder than the man next to you.
It's alright for boys to cry.
Sometimes crying can release a lot of stress and pain.
Never be ashamed to cry."

So true...so true...

Russell's mom...

Russell's mom will re-enter the hospital tomorrow, Wednesday the 8th. This happens to be Russell's brother's, Cole's, birthday. (can there be that many possessives in one sentence??) This a tough time for the family. She starts VERY intense chemo on Thursday, and will have that chemo each day until the following Tuesday. On Wednesday of the next week she will get to "rest", and then the following Thursday (the 16th) she gets her bone marrow transplant!! Her donor is an unrelated male, he's 48, and he is international. That's all we know about him. We know he is giving his marrow on the 15th, and she will receive it on the 16th.
This is a very critical time for Penny. If her body does not take the marrow, she will not live. We are so thankful she has a donor, and so hopeful she will be back to herself in a few months! :) Join us in prayer...

What I thought was "letting go" is really "listening"!!

This blog has been written over several days. I'm learning to listen. I thought I was learning to let go...but I guess I'm just learning to listen and to follow. It's so difficult for me, but I'm trying. This is a very scattered blog...that might not make any sense to anyone but myself...

Friday morning

Letting go...it's something I'm learning to do, but not being very successful. This is something God is trying to teach me, this I am sure of. My three boys are struggling. I guess I should correct that. The oldest and youngest are struggling. They are having a hard time in school, having a hard time with their attitudes, having a hard time staying focused on what is important in life. It is very disheartening. At some point, I have to realize that I can't fix it, I can't save them from everything. At some point I have to realize God does have a plan, and I have to let Him step in and work His plan out. This, honestly, isn't easy for me. I like to have a plan. I've always been this way. As a child, I would call my friends before we went somewhere to make sure there was a plan. I wanted a plan, I needed a plan, to feel comfortable and safe. Now, I don't see a plan for these boys, I don't know the future, and that terrifies me. We have pulled out all the stops, all the bells and whistles, and nothing is doing the trick. Nothing encourages them, nothing scares them, nothing works. Last night I had a long talk with my mom about this. She finally told me it's okay to stop for now. It's okay to stop trying to fix it. It's okay to step back right now, to hit my knees, to cry out, and say I can't do it all. I just can't. That scares me, but it's okay. I hurt for these boys, but they don't worry about themselves. They are at the age when they think they know it all. They really do think they know it all, they think they are invincible, so they just carry on through life, hurting others around them. I pray one day they will wake up, realize we love them, and realize that life has so much more to offer them. I'm not sure what it will take to make them realize that, but I hope that it will happen soon.The oldest is the one struggling the most. The district is working so hard to help him, and he is just pushing it all away. This morning I cried out for a sign so I would know this was the right choice. Walking away, letting go, is so difficult. I want to make sure this is the right decision.

**Update**Friday afternoon**

I just go an email from some people fairly high in the district. When I say high up in the district, I mean these people don't typically meet with students, they are more concerned with the schools as a whole, and principals. However, they apparently went to meet with Tron yesterday. They emailed me to say how respectful he was. Apparently he had a really great week at school this week, brought all his grades up, and they are begging me to stay in his life. I received FOUR emails today, FOUR, from important people, saying these boys need me. These emails came out of nowhere. Of all the things I wanted to hear today, this wasn't it. When I was so ready to give up and walk away, I wanted confirmation that that was the right choice, not the wrong one! Ugh! As upset as I was last night, and as guilty as I felt, I was finally okay with it all. I felt like they weren't meeting me in the middle, they weren't doing their share to earn any of this. Maybe this is how it is with us and God. We don't do anything to earn His love, but He doesn't just leave us...Wow, this is not what I expected today...

Saturday

We spent the day with the boys. Coach AD spoke with Tron, told him he was proud of his good week at school, but disappointed about his choices at home. AD wants De'Von to play summer basketball. Partly to keep us involved with him, and to keep him motivated to stay out of trouble. Ja'Vontray wants to do boxing, which I'm sure we will sign him up for. He's the only one that has stayed out of trouble this year (knock on wood!). We spent the day at the basketball family day event, which was fun. Kennie's team won their championship game, and we were very proud of him. Monday

De'Von got an office referral for something that happened at the Valentine's Day party. Really?? Um...not sure that would fly here. Something he should totally be in trouble for, but 2 months later, not so sure about that one.

He takes his math TAKS test today, praying for good things. My kids are currently taking a practice reading TAKS test, praying for good things for them as well.

I am currently wearing a heart monitor, for the next 24 days or so. This thing is rather annoying!! I have a pager type thing on my belt buckle, and three wires attached to my chest. There is also a huge monitor I have to carry around with me. If I get too far away from the monitor the sensor and monitor start beeping like crazy. Great times, great times. I chipped a bone in my elbow a week and half ago during a "seizure". That seems to be getting better. I wore a sling for about a week, but I'm done with that now. It was not easy to teach with my right arm in a sling.

Tuesday

I am counting down the weeks until summer break!! It's not that I don't love my kids, because I will miss them greatly. I'm just exhausted, completely exhausted. Plans for the summer seem to be moving along. I don't plan on working summer school, but I say that every year and then seem to get pulled into doing it. We will have summer basketball for De'Von, boxing somewhere for Ja'Vontray, and Tron will be going to Sylvan. Sylvan will help Tron get on track so he can go to high school next year! This is a very exciting thing for all of us!!I think we are back on track with the boys. No matter what they do, we love them. It's not always easy, they aren't always easy to love, but we do. We are praying for better days for all of us ahead!! This summer, of course, I will need some time with my nephews, and my BFF Kasey and her sweet little Jameson. Kasey and I are always in need of pedis and some time by the pool!! I can't wait!!!! Only 41 more days until SUMMER!!! :)

randomness...

1. I played a "charity poker" event last night. My BFF's husband emailed me some link about how this might not be legal; I think that's what it said at least. I came fourth in the tournament, Kasey came in third, and Russell came in sixth. Lee didn't play. It was fun, but Kasey should have won some money...wait..it was charity...hm...maybe I shouldn't call it a charity poker event. :) We did donate some money to charity prior to playing, maybe that's what I meant to say!

2. Spring break is almost over...BOO!!! I am not looking forward to going back to school, but I'm sure it will be fine once I'm back. The sooner we get back, the sooner summer will be here!!!!

3. I went to the ER this morning for some really bad stomach pain. I woke up with the pain, and it would not go away. Eventually, when I could barely walk, Russell and I decided it was time to go to the ER. The good news was the nurse got my IV started in the first stick!! This NEVER happens!! I got blood work done, some pain meds, anti-nausea meds, anti-spasm meds, and a sonogram done .The doctor is adamant that it's my gallbladder, but the sono didn't show gallstones. He thinks the gallbladder isn't functioning correctly, because of some details I told him. So...he gave me the name of a doctor to go see early next week. Yeah right, doc!! Just add that to the cardiologist I need to see, neurologist follow up, "female doctor", eye doctor follow up, need to check my blood sugar levels at my general doctor, and my mother in law thinks I need to see an internists. HAHA!! YEAH RIGHT!! I told Russell I should be a stay at home wife, and patient. Luckily the pain has been a little better thanks to the medicine concoction.

4. I've been conflicted about my boys lately. I feel called to help them, but their actions are pushing us away. It is very discouraging and makes me sad. :(

5. March madness is NOT going very well for me...just call me a loser!!