hits you like a ton of bricks...

Today I upgraded my phone to a new i-phone. Not the newest, but newer than the one I had. I had to manually transfer all of my contacts over for some reason. When I got to Russell's mom's name, it hit me like a ton of bricks. What do I do? Delete her numbers? Add them to my new phone? Deleting them makes the most sense, I mean, there's nobody there to answer, but that broke my heart to think about, so I added the numbers to my new phone. That's probably ridiculous, but I couldn't just delete them. She's still on the answering machine at home, and I want to record her voice for our future kids to hear. Makes me miss her, and makes it all rush back that she's really gone. I hope this gets easier with time, but we still have our first real holidays to go through without her, so I'm sure it will get worse before it gets better.

ch-ch-ch-changes....

I taught 2nd grade for two years, moved up to 4th for three years, and I'm moving back to second this year. Hopefully it will be less stressful since there is no state testing at the end of the year. Not that the kids aren't expected to prove their learning, but it's less stressful. The school won't be judged based on how my kids perform. My kids always did very well, but it always took it's toll on me. So, I'm super excited about the change. Plus, my best friend teaches second at my school as well. We never thought we would be teaching together! We don't always see eye to eye, but we will be quite a duo in second grade.
After my cyst rupture, I was told to consult with my "female" doctor about new medicine. My neurologist said it would be ok for her to put me back on birth control to control the cyst since all of my levels have gone back down to normal. The spinal tap showed that everything was back under control, so he felt it would be ok to now look at controlling the cyst. The OBGYN informed me we are running out of options. My regular doctor and neurologist didn't want me on something with too much hormone (too much info? sorry!), so my OBGYN said we are running out of options. She said she doesn't see any problem with me getting pregnant at this point, but I see lots of problems. 1. my weight. 2. blacking out (although, that's gotten much better!) 3. my blood sugar goes crazy with any change. She said all of that could be monitored, but I think I'm just too scared and want things to be healthier before I try that. She did inform me that since I had brain vasculitis I would have to get a shot everyday when I'm pregnant. Ouch. So, maybe in the next year or so, we have things to work on in the mean time.
Other than that, not much has been going on. Kennie and Sarah had their national basketball tournament, and did very well. Kennie lost to the team that eventually won in their grade level, and Sarah's team won first place! We were proud of both of them. Now, I'm just resting up and looking forward to getting into my new classroom. I'm looking forward to a healthier year, with a great group of kids.

I should have updated...

No blood clot, and I'm home as of Monday, and the best news of all - I haven't been back!!! They told us on Saturday there was no blood clot, but then they did an MRI on Sunday and they thought it showed something on the left side of my brain. I was told I was being sent back down for an MRI with contrast. So, back down to the MRI machine I went, but they didn't put any contrast in my IV, so I thought that was strange. I get settled back into my room, and a few minutes later they come in and say,"Mrs. Reagan, we need to take you down for a MRI with contrast." I told them I thought I was just down there for that, but apparently they did the wrong test, they did an MRA instead. Lovely, back to the MRI machine I go. Luckily I'm not one of those that freaks out over the MRI machine too much, but I wasn't too happy. It wasn't until Monday morning when they told me the second MRI came back normal, and it must have been an artifact on the first. Hm...ok. So, first I've been told probably a blood clot, but no. Then told probably a new spot on the brain, but no. At this point I was ready to go home, and my headache pain was down to about a 7-8, and the medicine wasn't working. In fact, I had an allergic reaction all over to the medicine they were giving me, after having it 4-5 times. I was fine the first few times, and then all of a sudden my arm was red and swollen, I started itching, and my throat was closing. What an adventure. The good news was I was able to still see fireworks on Saturday night from my room window. In fact, I was able to see the fireworks shows from several cities, so that was nice. Of course, Russell was up at my room from 8am-11pm each day. I didn't want him to have to spend the night. I didn't want to be there, I sure didn't want to force someone else to stay there. The yeller across the hall finally calmed down at night and I was able to sleep the last 2 nights I was there, but being home has been much better. Maggie and I spent most of the week resting up.
On Friday Russell and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. It's hard to believe it's been five years, but in other ways it seems like we've been together forever. He's so great to me, and I'm so thankful he married me. On Friday Kasey and I went to lunch and went for pedicures. That night Russell and I went back to the horse races in the rain and had a great time. We didn't win any money, but we did have a great time being together. Lots of laughs and teasing over who would be better at picking the winning horse. Apparently, neither one of us are good at that!!
On our way home we started talking about his mom, Penny. It's hard to believe she's gone, but we are so thankful she was there five years ago to celebrate our special day. She's buried in the dress she wore to our wedding, and she just glowed in that dress that day. We miss her terribly, and somedays I'm not sure how Russell is able to handle things so well. I'm afraid someday he will wake up and reality will hit him that she's really gone, but I guess if that happens it will be ok. It's just still unbelievable, and if I sit and think about it I can't help but cry. I feel like she is going to miss out on so much, but I guess not really. She's still with us, and I need to remember that.
Ok, enough for tonight. I'm home, I'm feeling a little better, we are happily celebrating five years, and we miss his mom. That's a good summary. :)

a new year, same old junk

Wednesday was my birthday, I turned 28. I celebrated by have a spinal tap on Tuesday, laying on the couch all day Wednesday (you have to lay for 24-48 hours after a spinal tap), going back to the ER on Thursday and ended up having to have a blood patch. That's where they go back into your spinal column and put blood to stop the leak of spinal fluid because it causes a terrible headache, like horrible, blinding headache. I felt better for a little while, went home, and decided on Friday night I wanted to actually CELEBRATE my birthday. So, we planned to go to the horse races with my parents, BFF Kasey, her husband, and her sister. I bought the tickets online, and was super excited to do something fun. I woke up Friday feeling terrible. Worse than I did BEFORE the blood patch. I was sick to my stomach, couldn't keep food down, and the headache was back, but even more intense. I was determined to go to the horse races though, so we did. We got there, and I got a diet coke, which I couldn't keep down. Russell and I both won money on the first race, I got sick, we won money on the second race, I got sick, and then we left my party and headed back to the ER. Count that, the hospital THREE times on the week of my birthday. What a way to celebrate. This time we walk into the ER and I black out at the front door. As I come to, I'm surrounded by no less than a dozen doctors and nurses putting me on a backboard and placing a neck brace on my neck. Talk about panic, I had no clue what was going on. I was rushed into a room, vitals taken, and I had a nurse on each side trying to find a vein, they both failed. I'm a hard stick. Like crazy hard. They decided to call for a picc line, but were successful before the picc line people showed up, thankfully. They did some blood work, a chest X-RAY, and CT scan. They hooked me up to a caffeine drip and gave me some pain medicine. Next thing I know, I'm being told I'm being admitted. :( Sad days.
So, here I am. I didn't sleep a wink last night because people on this floor like to yell out in pain. It makes me sad for them, but I'd really like to sleep. They also think I have a blood clot in my lung, that's lovely. I guess we will investigate that more today, along with some other test. I'm honestly not sure what other test they could do that I haven't already had. Rumor has it I'm having another blood patch done. That sucker HURTS. It felt like that doctor was using his huge needle to sew buttons down my back. I thought for sure I'd have a ton of stitches, just judging by the pain, but nope, just several very bloody bandages that bled for an entire day. So, I'm interested to see what the day holds. I have the same doctor I had last time that did NOTHING for me, so it should be fun.
This incredibly sweet nurse just came in to take an itty bitty tube of blood, it took four sticks to get it. That makes about 18 this trip. Ouch. I need better veins if the hospital is going to be my second home.
Not going to spell check, it seems to mess up my cute signature when I do.