being in the hospital...

Being in the hospital stinks. We came to the ER on Friday morning after a migraine since Sunday. I missed work on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. Talk about feeling like a complete loser there. I was totally out of it all week, but refused to miss on Wednesday and Thursday. We went to the doctor on Thursday, after five days of the migraine, and they gave me a shot for pain and nausea. The doctor also told us that if the pain wasn't gone the next day to head to the ER. So, by Friday morning when the pain was not only gone, but worse, to the ER we went. I just wanted some relief. They tried various pain meds, while sticking me a total of 8 times for an IV, and NOTHING worked. NOTHING. After a CT scan, some blood work, and me begging to just forget it and go home, the doctor told us I'd be admitted. I was very upset at that point. No meds were working, so I didn't see the point in actually staying here. Before leaving the ER, my IV blew, so they had to stick me again. They couldn't find a vien anywhere but my right breast, so in the IV went. Is that too much info? If so, sorry. It hurt so bad. The nurse didn't use gloves. Uh, that's against policy I'm thinking. Anyway, she brought me to my room, mentioned where my IV was located, and the nurses up here went crazy. Told me how dangerous that was, called the doctor, and then they decided I needed a picc line. I was even more upset at that point. I just planned to stay here ONE night, why did I need a picc line? Those things are for people staying for multiple nights or weeks. They finally convinced me, and the picc line is now in. They then said I needed to be tested for MRSA. When I told them I did have it, they all freaked all, put on some special gloves and gowns, and got all worried. I now have some sign on my door about being careful when you come in here and wearing isolation gear. The ER didn't seem to care about me having MRSA. I guess they have different standards. The pain meds continued not working until I had a complete break down yesterday afternoon. I felt like the doctor wasn't listening to me, so I had to go a little crazy on them and freak out. They finally did change my meds. The pain did go away (for the most part) and it's manageable now. The called in a new neurologist to talk with me, and he also thinks the blackouts are totally migraine related. If we can control the migraines, we can control the blackouts. He is upping my preventative medicine, and he is giving me a new "rescue" medication to take if I get a migraine. They originally scheduled an MRI and MRA for me. That was supposed to be yesterday, but they never showed up, so they are coming today. However, the neurologist said he didn't think I needed it since I've had them in the last year and a half. I'm hoping I don't have them. I'm afraid I'll be here until tomorrow if they do the test. If they don't, I hope to go home today.
Here are a few things I've noticed:
1. You can't get any sleep here at the hospital. They are constantly in and out of our room, which I understand. They are either cleaning my room, checking vital signs, getting blood, giving me meds, etc. It gets old.:(
2. The ER and the regular floors have different standards. I guess the ER is just trying to save lives. They left needles everywhere, didn't use gloves, weren't concerned about the MRSA, just stuff like that.
3. The food here isn't so good, I only eat the sides. I'll eat the carrots, roll, dessert, and stuff like that. I won't eat the meat though, it's questionable.
4. Everyone is pretty friendly and always asks if I need anything else. When I say I need to go home, they don't do anything about that.
5. How did people survive in the hospitals before laptops and phones with internet??
6. There is NOTHING to watch on TV in the middle of the night, unless you like commercials that are trying to get you to buy the latest mop, shoes, or shower head. I'm currently watching amazing animals on Animal Planet. Makes me miss my own pets.:(
7. I'm super thankful for my family and friends that have come to keep me company.

That's it for now. I'm not rereading or spell checking. I don't think it would help, the pain meds are kicking in! :)

it's finally March

February was really rough. I had surgery, and I'm still recovering. My incisions are infected, and it hurts something bad.
Russell's mom passed away on February 10th. It was a really rough day, but something we were able to prepare for. Of course, nothing really prepares you for saying goodbye for the final time. We were surrounded by loved ones that day, and we were able to make the decision to take her off of life support as a family. Although it was the best decision, it was sad. It broke my heart to see Duane, my father-in-law, hold her hand and tell her she didn't have to fight anymore. She was able to breathe on her own for about an hour, but then she peacefully entered Heaven. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't have to remind myself it's real. She's really gone. We will never see her on Earth again. It's just unbelievable. It's really sad. But, it's our reality. It's been hard to move on. Russell spoke at the funeral, and so did his dad. They both did a great job, and were able to hold it together. She would be very proud. His dad told us a story about the last time Penny got out of bed in the hospital. It was so they could dance in the hospital room. Then, they played the song they danced to. Talk about making people cry. There were about 600 people there at the funeral, she sure was loved. Seeing his dad and his brothers, but knowing she isn't around is the hardest part. I guess getting used to our new reality is difficult. Luckily we all have eachother to get through this time. She would want us to all hang on to one another.
My kids take TAKS this Wednesday. I feel pretty good about it. I blacked out at school today and had to come home, so I'm a little worried that the stress of the day might get to me and it will happen again. I'm thinking that wouldn't be good in the middle of the test.
Oh, and I've been shopping with coupons and only buying things that I have a coupon for or that's on sale. We're saving lots of money, it's great! We are determined to get some credit cards paid off.
That's enough randomness for tonight...

stream of consciouness post

This post may make no sense, and I'm ok with that. I will probably have lots of things spelled incorrectly, and I'm ok with that as well. This is for me really, not you, and I'm ok with that.
I had my gallbladder out last week. I was excited about it at first. I counted down the days, the hours, really. Now, it still hurts. I have to use a step ladder to get into bed. Our bed is high, but not THAT high. I'm just sore. The first food I was able to keep down was fried chicken. I shouldn't even know that because I should have never even tried fried chicken, but I did. Russell stopped at Chicken Express to get me some mashed potatoes and got himself some chicken. The chicken smelled so good, so I had to try it to see how it was. It was good, and worth it. I guess when applesauce, pudding, sherbert, and toast fail you, fried chicken will be there. I took off five days to recover and slept each day away. Those were five fast days. I didn't really miss school much, but maybe it was because I wasn't thinking clearly, medicine can do that to you sometimes. I'm back at school now, missing home, and missing getting lots of sleep. Even though I rested so much last week, I'm exhausted today and would fall asleep in an instant if I closed my eyes.
Russell's mom is very sick, like dying sick. This is something we should have expected, but really didn't. When her cancer came back, they thought they could kill it with one round of chemo, which became a hospital stay. That hospital stay turned into pneumonia, and now here we are. They told us she was on a ventilator, but yesterday they used the words "life support". I prefer the word ventilater much better. She's laying in a bed lifeless basically, living only because we have her plugged into the wall. Just a week ago we were chatting on the phone, knowing the luekemia was back, but never dreaming we would be here today. We aren't ready to say goodbye, and we selfishly want her to stay here with us. She spoke to me in my dream last night. Is that crazy? Really. Does that make me crazy? Maybe so, but it did comfort me. She told me that we would all be ok, and that it was ok to move on with our lives. I feel like God is preparing our hearts to say our earthly goodbyes to her, but it will be very difficult. I hope she knows how thankful I am that she raised such an amazing son. Russell has been so strong the past few days. It will be a rocky few weeks, but I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather have by my side.

"Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?"

There has been so much going on lately, but none of it has seemed blog worthy really.

I've had to ask myself "should I stay or should I go" lots lately. Here are a few examples.

1. My family went to Arkansas for Thanksgiving break. Originally Russell and I were going. Then I got pneumonia and really didn't think I would feel up to going by then. I was also concerned about the finances and having enough money. However, my amazing family made it possible for us to only have to pay for gas to go, and Kasey and Lee kept Maggie us. So, we had to ask if we should just stay here for the holidays or go up there. We decided to go. It was wonderful. I didn't ride a horse this year, and that was a good decision! : ) We had a great time playing games with the family, enjoying fabulous meals (courtesy of my amazing sister in law), and just spending time with everyone. The scenery is great up there, but the company is the best. I'm so glad we went.
2. I've been stressed about work. I haven't felt normal at work this year, and haven't felt very productive. However, after much thought and some conversations, I'm staying. :) With all my blackouts and being so sick, it's been a tough year. Not feeling good makes it difficult to get in the groove, and I think that was the problem. So, I'm staying for sure!
3. Our boys are going, we are staying. They are moving back to Louisiana after the holidays. I'm sad, but it's for the best. Although we've done alot in their lives, we are limited in how much we can do since they don't live with us. We really love those boys, and we'll miss them, but it will be nice to have a break.
4. I want to move out of this house, but it's not in good condition to sell. I want to go though. Our HOA takes care the foundation, and they need to get on that!
5. I want to go to the Biggest Loser Fitness Ridge, so bad!!! I WANT TO GO!!! Not sure what else to say about that.

That's it for now. : )

four years ago....

Four years ago today I married my childhood sweetheart.I woke up knowing my dreams of being Russell's wife were finally going to become a reality.I had known Russell my entire life, literally, my ENTIRE life. We grew up together, and I think I had a crush on him since elementary school. Finally in 8th grade, we started "going out". What does that even mean in junior high?? We went to movies on the weekends and saw each other at church. I begged my parents to take me to his football or baseball games, and I was one proud girlfriend at his games! We broke up, got back together, broke up, got back together, and so on, all through high school. It was rocky! This even continued though college. Did we love each other? Yes, but we were so immature! While in college, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and Russell and I were on an "off" period. There was nobody else in the world I wanted to call than him, but I refused to call him (immature??). Luckily, he called me, I rushed home from school to be with my mom and Russell, and the rest is history. From that point on, we realized how precious life is, how much we love one another, and today we celebrate four years of marriage! :) He's the best!! I'm sure every wife says that, but he really is the best for me!
A few of the many reasons I adore my husband...

-He works incredibly hard! It doesn't matter if a client calls him at midnight or in the middle of dinner, he is willing to do whatever it takes to make the client happy. Although this often annoys me, I know this is a necessary evil, and this is what makes him so valuable at work!
-He entertains my crazy ideas. When I decided to take in De'von, Tron, and Ja'Vontray, Russell didn't even flinch. He went into the situation with an open heart and mind. He coaches sports for De'Von, and attends all the games. He gives them talks (lectures), helps them with homework, and is an amazing male role model for them.
-He makes me laugh, everyday! He does some ridiculous dances around the house that are so hilarious!! You would have to be very special to see one of these little jigs, so I consider myself on the top of his list. :) He also wakes me up every morning during the school year with little songs that he makes up. They usually have to do with that day of the week or something to do with that time of year. For example, when it was close to the end of the year, all of his songs had to do with it being close to summer, and they are always silly. It's the best way to wake up!
-He takes care of our pets like he wanted them first. I wanted Maggie, he didn't want a pet, so we compromised and got Maggie. :) Maggie adores Russell and is constantly with him when he's home, and he adores her. If you didn't know I was the one that wanted her, you would think she had been his dog for 10 years. Then I decided I wanted a kitten so I got Maverick, and he takes care of him as well. Maverick now curls up with Russell every night. They both curl up next to Russell at night, one on each side.
-Above everything else, he loves me and takes care of me. I know I can call him when I need him and he will drop everything to come to me. I know that when I'm sad or scared, he will comfort me. When I'm sick, he always takes excellent care of me. He shares my goals and dreams, and he works hard so that we can see those come to reality.

I feel truly blessed to be Mrs. Reagan, I wouldn't choose any other man for me!!

SUMMER!!!!

DONE and DONE!!! School is out for summer!! TAKS scores are in, report cards sent home, room is mostly clean, and tomorrow is my last day in the building until August (as far as I know). My kids did very well on their TAKS tests. We had 100 % pass reading, 100 % writing, and 86 % in math. I'm very proud of them, they worked incredibly hard. Today I'm not sad, I'm highly relieved and looking forward to some rest next week. Next week, I'll be sad and I'll miss them. That's all for now.

Russell's mom...

Russell's mom will re-enter the hospital tomorrow, Wednesday the 8th. This happens to be Russell's brother's, Cole's, birthday. (can there be that many possessives in one sentence??) This a tough time for the family. She starts VERY intense chemo on Thursday, and will have that chemo each day until the following Tuesday. On Wednesday of the next week she will get to "rest", and then the following Thursday (the 16th) she gets her bone marrow transplant!! Her donor is an unrelated male, he's 48, and he is international. That's all we know about him. We know he is giving his marrow on the 15th, and she will receive it on the 16th.
This is a very critical time for Penny. If her body does not take the marrow, she will not live. We are so thankful she has a donor, and so hopeful she will be back to herself in a few months! :) Join us in prayer...