lately...

We had a great Easter Sunday. Unfortunately, I was sick on Friday and Saturday, and missed seeing my family on Saturday. We went to church with Kennie and Sarah on Sunday, and really enjoyed it. We have been going to a new church lately, and I think we are actually going to a meeting this week about a group they have there, more on that another day. It's a very exciting thing, but I don't want to share too much yet. :)
Went to the doctor last week. I was running a fever, and I needed a new inhaler and something for back pain. She gave me meds for what was causing fever, and everything else I needed. We discussed my 5k and training. I told her that my weight loss was stand still, so we discussed some ideas. She suggested I not weigh in each week, for sure not each day. That's not easy to do. We decided that I couldn't do it with diet alone (unlike what some people will tell you with WW). I've taken a no excuses approach to my training for the 5k. I went on Sunday, even though I would typically use the whole "day of rest" excuse (lame, I know). Monday, I had my treatment, and got sick 2 times afterwards, but we still went and made the walk (1.25 miles, with hills, killer for me and the dog). We went again today. Russell says it will get easier. I'm not sure when that happens. I do find myself enjoying moments (small moments, but moments). Going uphill, however, is not enjoyable. The first day we went, Maggie was dragging half way through. At one point we stopped to help a lady with directions, and Maggie sprawled out in the grass. By today, she was actually still trotting up until the last quarter mile. Yesterday I left my inhaler at home, and failed to use it prior to our walk. I wanted to quit, send Russell home to get the car, and be done because I was having trouble breathing. Instead, I finished, and was so proud when I was done. I have plans for tomorrow night, so I plan to wake up in the morning and walk on the elliptical. By the time May 22nd gets here (the day of the 5k), I'll be good to go. I think the area we are walking that day is flat, and I'm walking hills here at home, so I should be ok that day.
This week we have TAKS testing at school, so I've been helping with that and have been out of my room. I miss my kids, but hallway monitoring hasn't been too bad. My bestie is leaving on Friday for Italy with her hubby to find a house, and then they come back, only to move there in June. I will miss her so much. So many changes coming so soon. Moving, changing jobs, best friend moving, changing churches, starting the adoption process (possibly...). God has big plans!

should be worried.

We have lots of changes coming up, and I should be worried, but I'm not. -I've resigned from my teaching position effective the end of the school year, and I have no clue what I'm doing after that. Not teaching means I have to clean out my classroom and get a new job. I should be worried, but I'm not. -We are moving out of our house and into our best friend's house when they move to Italy in June. They will be gone for 2 years, so we are going to move into their house and selling our condo. I should be packing, tossing our junk, and worrying about selling this place, but I'm not. -I'm doing a 5K on May 22nd, and there is no way I could do a 5K today, so I should be worried, but I'm not. -My migraine treatment (the one I did in the hospital and now do at home) has become ineffective. It's just not working like it did at first. Also, my blood work isn't where it should be. I should be worried, but I'm not. I have no idea when I stopped worrying about things, but I have. God has completely taken my worries away, and it's a great feeling. I know that not teaching next year is the right decision, and that is affirmed in my heart each and every day. However, I do hope to volunteer at the school with Irving Bible Church, so I'm not leaving completely. Not having a job isn't worrying me, because I know God will provide something I am able to do, and that makes me happy. Luckily, I'll be paid through August, so that gives me some time to find something. With selling our condo, I feel bad that I'm not worried, like something is wrong with me. Maybe when we are in the middle of the process I'll feel different. Knowing we have a place to live during this time makes it easier. Today, I went to walk the track for my 5K training. I planned to walk 1/2 a mile (2 times around). After the second lap, my back was in intense pain, but I felt like I had plenty of energy to go a third lap, so we did. After the third, I really wanted to do a fourth, but my back just wouldn't let me. We plan to go each weekend to increase my distance between now and the 5K at the end of May. We may even go back tomorrow to do 4 laps. :) I felt great (mentally and emotionally) when I was done. As far as the migraines and blood work, I know the migraines will decrease after the school year. That may sound terrible, but it's just the truth. Unfortunatley, the migraines were pretty bad this week, the medicine wasn't working, so I was out Monday and Tuesday. I'm so thankful my sub is still there everyday. Once the year is over, I look forward to seeing how the migraines change. I'll end with this, a picture of Kennie and Sarah after their city championship games. Both of their teams won (Kennie's game was a blowout, Sarah won by 1 point!), and they were both MVP's of their game. We couldn't be prouder of these two. Little kids went up to both of them after their games wanting their autographs. : ) And the best part, they are just as good students are they are athletes.

5K

I've decided to do a 5K on May 22nd with my best friend's mom. It's a weight watcher's 5K, and I'm really excited. I just called a family member to tell them about it, and they laughed at me. Yep, nice family support there. Not sure I want them at the finish line cheering me on any longer. I'll be training until the day of, and then I'll go and do the best I can. I ordered a personalized shirt, with my inspiraton on the back. It says "To play chase with my future children". I wish I would have waited a few minutes longer until after the phone call. I would have made it say "To prove my ____ wrong!" Yep, I'm mad.

exhausted

Today was my first day back since January, and I only went one day in January. The day went really well with my kids, and I am so thankful I still have my long term sub. She is doing most of the teaching, and I'm pulling small groups. This way if I miss due to having a bad day or needing to go to the doctor, they will get the instruction from her they are used to. After school I had another treatment, which always wipes me out. This time was even worse than usual, because they doubled the benadryl they normally give me, so the drive home was tricky. I'm home now, tired from the day, and even more exhausted from my treatment. I did my weigh in this morning, and gained. :( I shouldn't be too upset about it, since I did pretty much what I wanted Thursday-Sunday of last week, including ElChico's, Cheesecake Factory, Starbucks, and other junk. I'm back on track this week, and looking forward to losing what I've already regained. I could be really bummed about it, but I'm trying to just get over it so I can move on. Hoping for a good week at school, and a good week staying on point with weight watchers.

back on weight watchers - week 1

So, last Monday, the 21st, I weighed myself, entered it into weight watchers (very disappointed with myself at the gain since the beginning of the year), and decided I was done gaining. It doesn't matter how many medications and steroids doctors give me, I can make some changes, so I did. When I got back on the scale this past Monday (the 28th), I lost 8.8 pounds, in one week! I was simply amazed. I didn't make excellent choices all week, but I did make much better choices. I was worried though, because Friday night I went with some friends to Winstar and had Starbucks on the way, and ate at Toby Keith's Bar and Grill while we were there. I ordered without really thinking (it was 11:00 at night, I was hungry), and had a cheeseburger, with fries. Even with all of that (and I'm sure other unhealthy decisions), I still lost. I didn't even workout, not once. In fact, I got on the weight watchers message board the Monday I decided to start over, worried about not being able to work out due to the blackouts. I was encouraged by so many others that said they lost weight simply by sticking to their points, and then were able to workout once they were in better shape. I've worked out in the past, and I'm hoping I can again soon when my blood counts are higher. Today, I did a 10 minute kickboxing session, which is so incredibly short, but I stopped before I blacked out. Tomorrow, I plan to do atleast 10-15 minutes on the elliptical. I'm encouraged by the loss, and this week has been pretty good as well. I'm trying to stay off the scale until Monday morning, but I'm positive it will show a loss as well. I start back to work on Monday, against a few of my doctor's suggestions. They didn't tell me I couldn't go back to work, but they did tell me they were concerned about it. I had a 4 hour doctor's appointment on Monday, and they were testing my memory and comprehension. I did ok on the comprehension, but not too fabulous on the memory tests. With the memory tests not being too great, and me being unable to track conversations when over stimulated, the doctor is concerned with me returning. However, I really want to go back, finish out the year with my kids, and then move on to something different. Luckily, the sub my kids have had is going to stay with me, lesson plan, and help grade papers. I am so blessed to have her stay! She will be there incase something happens to me, if I need to go to the doctor, and so I don't get overwhelmed in general. This is such a blessing for me, and I know it will make going back so much easier. I know some people won't understand why I will have extra help in my room, but after the number of blackouts, falls, migraines, and concussions I've had, it's nice to have some help. Tonight, Russell and I started talking about possibly taking a cruise sometime in August or September. We haven't been anywhere since 2006, and it gives me something to work towards. :) He isn't 100% sold on the cruise idea, after the cruise that had the rescued recently, but I think I almost have him convinced. If he had his way, we would go to Ixtapa, Mexico, where he went with his family while he was in high school. Unfortunatley, those all inclusives are about twice the price of a cruise, so I think a cruise it is. We will see. I'm hoping we can get away soon. Of course, our best friends are moving to Italy, so we will (or I will) be making that trip within the next two years hopefully. So, that's all for now. I'm 8.8 pounds down, and hopefully by Monday I can add to that number. :)

getting real - weight issues

I believe I've been overweight my entire life, but I was very comfortable in my own skin in high school. I honestly don't recall being bullied or anything, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. Apparently prior to my blackouts my favorite breakfast food was sausage rolls and now I can't stand them, so there is no telling what I don't remember. However, I do recall being "ok" with were I was in high school. When I went off to college I gained some weight. It was a combination of getting depressed, not making healthy food choices, and sitting in my dorm room when I wasn't in class. My second year of college, I ate green beans out of the can instead of going to the cafeteria for dinner, but I think I also made many trips to the donut shop for breakfast, so I'm not sure what happened with my weight that year. During my third year away at school I took some medication for my endometriosis, and the doctor warned me I would gain weight, my bones would become brittle, but I thought it was worth the risk. Gain weight I mostly certainly did. The medication (at the time) was only FDA approved to be taken 6 months of your life, and I took it for 6 months. During that time, I gained over 40 pounds. A month after being taken off of the medication, I fell down a flight of stairs, and broke my leg, foot, and ankle (guess my bones did become rather brittle). I ended up having surgery, and being stuck in bed or in a chair for 3 months, and just gained more weight. In a matter of a few years (since leaving high school), I had gained about 75 pounds. UNREAL. But, sadly, it didn't stop there. After my mom got sick with cancer, I moved home, and Russell and I got engaged. I bought a wedding dress that was too small, and was determined to fit into it by the wedding. By the next summer (the time of our wedding), the dress was a little too big. I was so glad I made some progress, in the right direction. To be honest, I'm not sure what I did to make that happen. I was sick during that spring, couldn't keep food down, maybe that's how I lost some weight? After getting married, I got comfortable, we enjoyed eating out, and we both gained weight. Since that time, I've been joined and cancelled at Weight Watchers and Curves. When I stick with them, I'm successful. Last January (2010) I was determined to lose weight and get healthy, and I was doing well. I had lost 20 pounds, and then I got sick again. This time they put me on steroids, and I gained 30 pounds, 10 more than I had lost. M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E. At the beginning of this year I rejoined both Curves and Weight Watchers, was ready to do well, and BAM!, more steroids, and I've gained MORE weight. Really? I've also been told I will not be able to lose weight unless I take this magic medication for my PCOS. When I take it, I do lose weight, but it makes me miserably ill.
So, here I am, weighing more than I ever have, and more frustrated than I've ever been. I black out when I try to work out. It doesn't matter if I eat, don't eat, eat half of what I've been eating, I still gain weight. I'm on steroids each time I have a blood infusion, and each time they give me the steroids, they give me more and more. I've planned out all my meals for this week, I'm staying on my points, and I'm hoping this works for this week. I need some progress in the right direction.
Slowly, but surely, someday I'll conquer this, I hope.

spring break vacation

I'll be spending spring break in a hospital in Dallas, fun times. My brother told me to enjoy my vacation, I'm sure I will. The plan is I'll be taken off all my meds and started on new ones, it will be an interesting week. I'm glad they are doing this while I'm admitted though, since it does involve being taken off seizure medication. The treatment I'm having says I should be headache free by the end of the week. Headache free? I'm not sure how that feels! :)
I look forward to feeling better, much better. This is not what I wanted for my life, if I'm being honest. I want to be the kind of wife that can cook and clean, not so dependent upon Russell. My deepest desire is to be a mom, which is getting more complicated. With each new issue uncovered by doctors, it's becoming clearer that we won't have our own children. Luckily, we have had the desire to adopt for a long time. Sadly, adoption is very expensive, and so are medical bills. The thought of not being able to adopt because of the cost, makes me really sad. We are just keeping faith that it will all work out. Our plan is to start the process of adoption when I turn 30, which is the summer of 2012. In the next year, we will be moving into our best friend's house (they are moving to Italy for two years), sell our condo, I'll be getting a new job, hopefully feeling better, and lose some weight (or lots...). We plan (right now...) to try to adopt a boy (first, we may adopt a girl later), and we aren't particular about the race.
We are really looking forward to being parents someday, even though it will involve lots of changes. Last night we were walking through Target and there was a (white) couple with their (African American) little boy. He was probably about two and just as cute as could be. They were in the kid's clothing department, which I've tried to avoid lately because it makes me depressed. Russell nudged me and said "that will be us in a few years!" with the cutest grin on his face. Made me tear up a little, because being a mom is very important to me. Although it's difficult to realize it won't be our natural child, I'm so thankful we are both 100% on board with adoption, and we slowing heading in that direction.

surgery and treatment...

This week I had surgery to have my port put in, and I had my first two treatments. The surgery went fairly well. Instead of trying to start an IV like usual, they did it under ultra sound to begin with, knowing I'm a difficult stick. Once they got that started, they got me prepped for surgery. I have a 6-8 inch cut on my chest (below my shoulder really), and a 1/2 inch cut on my neck. When I came to, and still now, the one on my neck hurt so much worse than the other, which I think is odd. I guess it's just the location. I went from day surgery to the oncologist office for my first iron treatment. I was given a test dose of iron, and then the regular dose. About 20 minutes after I got home, I had hives all over me, and was wheezing when I was breathing. I took some benadryl, and tried to rest. It didn't do much for the hives, but helped the wheezing. Later that night the wheezing came back, so I took more benadryl. The next morning I called the oncologist, told them what happened (and what was continuing to happen), and they wanted me in immediatley. I went in, they gave me some new medicine (a steroid and benadryl type RX), and sent me on my way. I guess it's helped, a little, but not too much. The area around where the port was placed is still very red, like it's sunburned. Apparently I was pretty allergic to the iron I was given. When I went back on Friday for my treatment, my levels looked worse than they started out at, and my iron was changed. Before they gave me my treatment, they gave me some benadryl and a steroid through my port. So far, the worst side effect I've had from this treatment has been nausea and general blah feeling. I spent a good majority of the day laying on the couch, in and out of sleep. Hopefully the treatments will start working and be worth it all in the end.
In the middle of the week, between all of this, I went to see my neurologist. He extended my disability until April 4th. It's not what I wanted, since I was scheduled to go back March 1st, but it's what he and Russell think is best. We are at the beginning of getting things done, and they don't want to jeopardize that progress. I'm thankful for such a patient husband, persistent doctors, and an ever present God. I'm very blessed.

2011 so far...

I can't believe we are halfway through February and I haven't updated because so much has happened this year. I was scheduled to return to work on January 3rd, but I ended up being admitted to the hospital that day instead. After spending three days in the hospital, and being home until that Friday, I tried to go back on the 10th. I ended up at the doctor that afternoon, and being put back on disability that day. I was referred to two headache specialist that day, but it was February until I could see them.
In the meantime, I had blood work done at my primary doctor, just to see how everything was looking. That blood work came back, and showed I needed I was very anemic, and needed blood infusions. I was given a phone number, and so I called that number, and they answered as an oncologist office. I just about freaked out. When I went in to see the oncologist office the first time, they did more blood work, and when I went in today, the blood work looked worse than it did originally. A few other levels looked bad, so those will need to be watched. Apparently I'll be having blood work weekly, and I'll see the doctor weekly as well. I'll have blood infusions twice a week, and they are doubled up. I should have 12 infusions, instead of 24 since they are doubled. Today should have been the first infusion, but they couldn't find a vein. Originally they were going to do a picc line, but that would have to stay in my arm for about 6-8 weeks, and would be most likely get infected. So, instead, I'll be getting a port put in my chest like people do when they have chemo, so they will always have access to a vein.
Now, on to the headache updates. I have two new doctors looking at my migraines. One is working on the cause of the migraines, and the other is treating the pain mostly. They are both very optimistic, which is great. However, the number of tests, treatments, and doctor appointments I have coming up is astounding. I should be returning to work the first week of March, but my doctors and Russell aren't sure they want that just yet. At this point, nothing has changed. We are getting the ball rolling, but I'm still having migraines almost daily, I'm still very weak and passing out, and overall having trouble daily. So, I'm not sure what will happen with work.
I resigned, effective the end of the year, back in January. I know that me being out is not best for my kids, the district, or myself. This was before I knew about the budget cuts and IISD trying to get rid of teachers. However, knowing all of that, I'm so thankful I made that decision. I've been told if I don't come back by a certain date they will terminate my contract, but then I was told they wouldn't since I resinged and it's the end of the year. Basically, I don't have FMLA, because I was so sick last year as well and didn't work enough to be covered by that. It's stressful. However, we are trusting in God, and he hasn't failed us yet. I know I'll feel better after the blood infusions. I know my new headache doctors will find something that works. I know I'll find a new job that I love as much as teaching. I know we will be ok.

2010 - year in review

January - our Lousiana boys moved back to Lousiana, Jameson turned 2, and Penny was back in the hospital for what we were told was a "small" round of chemo.
February - had my gallbladder removed on the 1st, was told on the 6th that Penny was being put on life support due to pneumonia, gathered as a family on the 7th to speak with doctors about her chances at making it, gathered again as a family on the 10th to remove her from life support and she passed away, record snowfall on the 11-12, no school on the 12th, funeral on the 13. The rest of the month is just a blurr.
March- adjusting to life without Penny, and dealing with blackouts and migraines.
April- Lousiana boys came to visit the Saturday before Easter (just for the day), woke up Easter Sunday with the worst migraine ever. After multiple hospital and doctors visits, we found out it was vascultitis, and could be deadly. I was put on steroids, and stayed home from work most days. My kids prepared for TAKS without me, and I slowly spiraled into a deep depression.
May- MRIs, MRAs, CT scans, spinal taps, and more testing was done. First ride in an ambulance on Cinco De Mayo, after blacking out and not breathing for close to a minute at a time. I returned to work towards the end of May, but my class had been split, so I went to see my kids in other rooms.
June - The school year ended, but not the hospital and doctor visits. At the end of June I had another spinal tap, followed by a blood patch for a spinal headache, and spent my 28th birthday in the hospital. Our oldest nephew turned 8, hard to believe!
July-My birthday "party" at the horse races was ended early, when we left and were admitted into the hospital, just 2 days after my birthday. I spent Fourth Of July weekend at Baylor, and tried to, once again, get the same migraine under control. I felt better on our anniversary, the 9th, so we went back to the races, but they ended early due to the weather. The rest of July was spent resting, gearing up for my return to school.
August - Back to school was on my mind, and we had a few trainings. I got my classroom ready, and had a successful first day back. I loved teaching second grade, but my second day back was not as successful. Blackout in the hallway had me going home in the morning of the second day.
September-Not a good month, at all. Two car accidents in one week, I was placed on disability, and had two hospital stays. However, some new medicine was somewhat effective, so I guess that's positive! :) Maverick had emergency surgery for his bladder blockage, we have some expensive pets!
October- our youngest nephew turns 5, was told my original 4 weeks on disability was now 12 weeks, so I was determined to just be thankful for supportive co-workers, husband, and family. My pancreatitis came back, and that had me back in the hospital as well.
November-first Thanksgiving without Penny, her birthday, and Russell's birthday. Pretty rough month. Did the majority of my Christmas shopping in the middle of the night the moring after Thanksgiving, since I blacked out in Toys R Us at about 1:00 the morning after. My sweet husband turned 29, and I'm so thankful his loving parents raised him so well.
December- was told we couldn't have kids of our own, due to the blackouts, lupus, vascultitis, etc. That was pretty devestating. Returned to work on the 9th, and made it each day until the break, huge success!! Enjoyed lots of time with family and friends during Christmas festivities. Formally asked to be Kennie and Sarah's God-parents, and we were thrilled.

It wasn't an easy year, but I'm blessed I had Russell to hold my hand through the hard times, and laugh with me during the good times. My family never fails me, and we have true friends that are there for us in a heartbeat. And of course, we have a God that is ever present, even in the darkness, so we are never alone. We never went without, we never hit rock bottom, and we always knew the next day brought new beginnings. Hoping 2011 brings healthier days, more laughs, and fewer hopsital visits. :)

November Thankfuls....

This year I'm so very thankful for lots of things. Here are just a few (in no particular order)...

-grandparents that love each other and have been married for 60 plus years. They paid my way through college and left me with no student loan debt. They are truly amazing people.

-a mom that loves me, no matter what, and is always there for me. Although we don't always see eye to eye, I know I can always depend on her.

-my dad - even though he left when I was little, he didn't completely abandon us. I think he does the best he can to show he cares about my brother and me, and I appreciate the effort.

-a job I love, teaching kids I love, around people I love. It doesn't get much better than that!

-a brother I admire, a sister-in-law I wouldn't trade for the world, and two precious nephews that are growing up way too fast. I can't wait to see what the future holds for those two boys, but I kind of wish I could rewind a few years and hold them as babies again!

-in-laws that I love. Russell's brothers are like my own, whether they like it or not. :) I'd do anything in the world for those two, and I pray they find a life partner that makes them happy. I love my father-in-law, and miss my mother-in-law like crazy.

-pets that cost too much, but give us lots of laughs and love!

-reliable transportation and extended car warranties! We've used the extended warranty many times this year, and I've been very thankful to have it.

-medical insurance. With my health, I don't know what we'd do without it.

-my Uncle David. He keeps to himself, but he is an amazing man of God. He's selfless, he adores our family, and he would do anything for anyone. I honestly feel very blessed to have him as MY uncle, and I hope someday we can give him a great niece or nephew.

-Kennie and Sarah. What would I do without these 2? I think we need them as much as they need us. They really are like family to us, and we just love watching them grow up and mature each day.

-my boys back in Louisiana. I miss them tons, and I can't wait to see them again sometime (hopefully soon!).

-my God-son, Jameson. He's such a sweetheart, and so funny. I don't see him nearly as often as I'd like since I've been off work, but I think about him all the time. Love this kid, so much!

-my best friend, Kasey. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. Growing up together, experiencing life together, the good, the bad, and the ugly, I wouldn't pick a different person as a best friend. We don't always agree, but we always support each other. I'm lucky enough to have her teach two doors down from me, how lucky can one girl get? People think we are twins or sisters, and some days it's as if we share a brain. She makes my bad days good, and my good days great. I don't know what I would ever do without her. If she were to move half a world away, I'd be so lost. She's life my other half.

-my other best friend, Russell. I couldn't have picked a better husband. Found my diary the other day, and I've been signing my name "Blaire Reagan" since 1994, when I was 12. We really didn't get along through middle school and high school, and really not in the early years of college either. There were some really bad days, but God had a plan, and God stuck to His plan for us. I'm so thankful we finally gave it over to Him, we stopped being stubborn, and let things work out the way He wanted. Russell puts up with every bit of me. The sickness, the grouchy, the mood swings because of medicine, the missed days at work, the doctor appointments, the lost appetite, the gained weight, the depressed mood, the need to get out of the house, the tears for no reason, he puts up with it all. He cooks, he cleans, he does the laundry, takes out the trash, walks the dog, does the litter box, feeds the pets, takes care of the cars, and of course, takes care of me. I don't know why he does it, but I'm sure glad he does. :)

-all knowing and ever present God. 2010 hasn't been friendly, but God hasn't failed us. He's taken care of us, even when I haven't been able to work. When Penny died and I thought our world was caving in. When they can't pin point what's wrong with me, but they know I need to stay in the hospital and repeat the same tests I've had over and over again. God is always there. We hear it in songs. We see it in unexpected checks. We see it in cards or emails. We see it in snow, on the night Penny passed away. God is always there. He will still be here. Even when my world feels like it's going to slowly crumble, God isn't going anywhere.

I'm thankful for LOTS of other things, but these are the only ones I can think of right now...

long time coming...

Things have been crazy around here the last few weeks. School started off with a bang. I adore my kids. They are just precious, and so incredibly sweet. Of course, I've had some complaints about people breathing on each other, dropping pencils and not knowing what to do about it, and tattling for people cutting in front of each other. I guess that's the typical second grade drama. However, I only made it a few weeks of school before being put on disability by my doctor. :(
I'm super bummed. We thought I suffered a stroke, because I had every symptom of one. Drooping of the left side of my mouth, slurring of speech, couldn't walk, weakness of my arm and leg on the left, memory loss, etc. After lots of tests, it was concluded that my complex migraines had once again shown up in a severe way with all the signs of a stroke. The only way for it to be treated is to treat the pain at the hospital. Last week I went to the ER 3 times, and was admitted for 2 days the 3rd time. They did a battery of tests, physical, speech, and occupational therapy. I now walk with a walker if I have to walk a decent distance. I can walk from the car into a restaruant, or from the couch to the restroom without feeling weakness, but not too far. I'm off for at least another two weeks, but it could be longer. I see my doctor this Friday, and still have to get in to see a specialist, so I think I may be off longer.
So, that was my health story of last week. On Saturday morning Russell woke up sick, and went to the clinic and got antibiotics. He never gets sick, so when he complains I know he's sick. When he got home, we noticed our cat was crying and being very clingy. We called the vet, and they said bring him in asap. So, we loaded the cat in his carrier and headed to the 24 hour vet hospital. Turns out, Maverick's bladder was about to rupture because it was blocked, and he could have died if we had not taken him in. The doctor told us he needed surgery right then and she walked out with him. We just stood there and looked at each other, wondering how much this was going to cost. They came in with an outrageous estimate, which involved Maverick staying in ICU for 4 days on a constant IV. They've done this before with Maggie, and we took her home that night and just watched her at home and she was fine. We ended up paying 1/3 of the cost (still a huge amount!), and brought him home the next night. He had surgery, a catheter, IV, two baths, pain meds, and lots of love while he was there. He's now on a special diet and refuses to take his medicine, so I get lots of scratches while I force him to take it. He's not a big fan of his new (more expensive) food. They also suggested we get him a water fountain, and she told us they usually run about $50.00, but we found one for about half the price, so we were happy. She said having fresh running water would help this not happen again. I'm just looking at it as an investment so we don't end up with crystals in his bladder ever again!!
Man, pets are expensive, but I guess so are my medical bills. Sometimes I wonder how Russell puts up with all of us! :)

always, sometimes, never

I always....
-fall asleep on my left side first thing at night, even though I try other ways, the left side is how I end up falling asleep.
-start each day off with a diet coke.
-want a blanket on me if I'm in bed or on the couch, so we keep the house pretty cool/cold.
-cheer for the Dallas Cowboys, no matter who they are playing or if they are losing terribly.
-rub my feet together right before falling asleep.
-have trouble laughing and walking at the same time (strange, I know).
-look forward to fall because I love the cooler weather, football, chili for dinner, and the color changes!!

I sometimes....

-have my diet coke in the form of a fountain drink in the morning (that's how I prefer it)

-walk the dog, but usually let Russell do the honors

- only snooze for 30 minutes, but usually longer

- stay up past 9:30 on a school night, but not usually

- like to have pickles with my grilled cheese from Sonic (yum!)

I never...

-walk the dog alone at night

-clean for the fun of it

-remember to buy stamps at the store

-stay up late on a school night

-wear shoes around the house

-pass up the opportunity to record/watch a new murder mystery/cop documentary

new school year...

It's been one week and two days and I'm exhausted. I have an amazing class, they are so sweet. We have lost a second grade teacher, so I got four of her kiddos. The entire losing a teacher situation is very sad, but I hope her kids adjust well. The other kids and I have a great bond. I look forward to a great year with them. So far, my kids enjoy telling me about their future plans to outer space (they just plan to call NASA and tell them they need to get on the spaceship, simple as that!), complaining that people are breathing on them, and they LOVE when I read them books. I've had one blackout episode, last Tuesday, and I was sent home. It was highly disappointing, but I'm just taking it a day at a time.
We were scheduled to go to Louisiana to see our boys this weekend, but we've cancelled the trip. We thought we wouldn't have a game this Saturday, since it's Labor Day weekend, but we do have a game. Russell didn't want to miss the game, and apparently there are storms headed to Louisiana, so we aren't going. I'm bummed we aren't seeing the boys, but I'm sure we will eventually. :)
That's the update for now. More to come soon, if I remember...

classroom photos...

Today Russell and I went and worked in my classroom. It's not ready, but it's getting there. We (er, Russell) hung my alphabet, made my tree, and got lots of other stuff done. I have pictures, but they were taken with my phone. I can't find my camera cord, so these pictures aren't the best. I LOVE my alphabet. We had a hard time finding things for a few letters. For N we put an animal and an arrow to the nose. For V we used velcro, and a copy of one of my X-rays for the X.

All of the colorful paper on the bulletin board is for students to put their favorite completed assignment. Looks so colorful. :) I'm excited to meet kids on Thursday!!

back to school

Ah, we are back to school. Today and tomorrow we have district training, next week we have training Wednesday-Friday, and meet your teacher on Thursday afternoon. Luckily, my room is pretty much ready to go. I made my own alphabet this year, like crafy! I'll have to post pictures when my room is complete. My wonderful brother-in-law, Cole, is coming to put a tree on the wall with clouds and a sun, for my reading area. That will be Saturday, I'm hoping to take Monday or Tuesday off before we are back for good. We were supposed to go to Louisiana this weekend, but that's been changed to Labor Day weekend. The boys are working with their praise team at church coming up with a special performance for the Sunday morning we are there. I'm not supposed to know, so I'll be sure to act surprised. :)
As I've been preparing for back to school, I've done lots of shopping. Not shopping for myself (not money for that :( ), but for my classroom. We desperately need pencils, crayons, folders, etc. I've come up with a ranking for places to buy supplies.

1. My favorite place has got to be Wal-mart. They always have great prices, like crayons and glue for a quarter, you can't beat that. The best part is, they don't put a LIMIT on how much you can buy like other places.
2. Target - they have some good deals, but some aren't so good. Markers for 3.00?? Um, no thanks, Wal-mart has them for 1.00. :) You really have to watch it at Target, but their stuff is super cute usually, very tempting.
3. Staples - they have PENNY sales, BUT, these only last Sunday - Wednesday of the week, and they limit how much you can get. They normally will up the limit for teachers, but it's never enough.
4. Office Depot - they had my binders on sale for a quarter this week (normally 3.00) and they allowed me to get 20 of them. The limit was 3, they wanted to only double the limit, but I begged and pleaded with them. The rest of their prices are pretty high and disappointing.
5. Office Max - I've been so bummed by Office Max this year. :( They wouldn't double their limit or anything this year for me. I guess that's ok, since their deals weren't too super.

Since I have an aquarium, I also do some shopping at PetsMart. Some of the goldfish I buy swim upside down, but when I think they are dead, I try to scoop them out, and they swim again. Very strange. This happened last year too, and my fourth graders grew used to it, but I'm not sure how the second graders will like it.

Football practice has started, and since the boys moved, we don't have a kid on the team really. Kennie is on the team, but his parents get him there. So, I thought our nights would be free, I was wrong. Russell is still going to practice...and wants me to join him. Doesn't he know it's HOT!! He also said he would run with the slow guys to encourage them, but maybe he hasn't because it's so hot. Hehe. So far this week the boys have practiced in just shorts and t-shirts, I think the pads would make them pass out. I can't believe Kennie will play for his middle school and the city, that's a ton of football.

Everyone is getting so old. :( Kennie is going into seventh grade, Sarah and our oldest nephew into third, and our youngest nephew into pre-k. They will all be going to college before I know it.

We had one of our hard milestones without Penny, my mother-in-law. August 10th was the six month anniversary of her passing, and it also would have been their 36th wedding anniversary that day. We all went to dinner with my father-in-law, Duane. It was nice being together, but I still catch myself thinking she's in the bathroom or something. It seems very empty without her. Her picture is ALL OVER their house, so going there isn't easy. I'm not sure when it will get easier, but I guess eventually it will. We still have our first Thanksgiving, Christmas, her birthday, Russell's birthday, and his youngest brother's birthday to get through for the first time without her. Thanksgiving and Christmas will be the toughest, for sure. We didn't spend last Thanksgiving with her, but Christmas Day last year was the last time I saw her as her "normal" self, so that will be hard.

Enough sappy, back to the Cowboy game.

I should have taken a picture...

I'm back in my classroom, and I should have taken a picture of my classroom when I walked in! All of the desks were stacked in the middle, boxes everywhere, and BUGS!! EEEEKKK!! That was yesterday afternoon. When I walked in, the room was at a steamy 89 degrees. Nice. Luckily, it was down to a cool 78 by the time Russell came to help at 5:30. I went back today, got there earlier, and it was only 79 when I walked in, and I was able to keep it cool all day. Fabric is on the bulletin boards, borders up, furniture arranged, computers set up, boxes unpacked, cabinets sorted, greenery arranged, and lots of other stuff. Sadly, there is lots more to do, but I'm not going tomorrow. Nope, the doctor ordered me to swim more and drink more water, so I'm swimming tomorrow. : ) I figured two good days in my room earned me a day by the pool.
Next week we have training on Thursday and Friday, and then we are driving to Louisiana and back on Saturday to see our boys. Yep, LONG day, but well worth it to see the boys.
The next week we have 3 days of training, meet your teacher night, and then school starts the following Monday. It will be a great year, I'm sure of it! :)

hits you like a ton of bricks...

Today I upgraded my phone to a new i-phone. Not the newest, but newer than the one I had. I had to manually transfer all of my contacts over for some reason. When I got to Russell's mom's name, it hit me like a ton of bricks. What do I do? Delete her numbers? Add them to my new phone? Deleting them makes the most sense, I mean, there's nobody there to answer, but that broke my heart to think about, so I added the numbers to my new phone. That's probably ridiculous, but I couldn't just delete them. She's still on the answering machine at home, and I want to record her voice for our future kids to hear. Makes me miss her, and makes it all rush back that she's really gone. I hope this gets easier with time, but we still have our first real holidays to go through without her, so I'm sure it will get worse before it gets better.

ch-ch-ch-changes....

I taught 2nd grade for two years, moved up to 4th for three years, and I'm moving back to second this year. Hopefully it will be less stressful since there is no state testing at the end of the year. Not that the kids aren't expected to prove their learning, but it's less stressful. The school won't be judged based on how my kids perform. My kids always did very well, but it always took it's toll on me. So, I'm super excited about the change. Plus, my best friend teaches second at my school as well. We never thought we would be teaching together! We don't always see eye to eye, but we will be quite a duo in second grade.
After my cyst rupture, I was told to consult with my "female" doctor about new medicine. My neurologist said it would be ok for her to put me back on birth control to control the cyst since all of my levels have gone back down to normal. The spinal tap showed that everything was back under control, so he felt it would be ok to now look at controlling the cyst. The OBGYN informed me we are running out of options. My regular doctor and neurologist didn't want me on something with too much hormone (too much info? sorry!), so my OBGYN said we are running out of options. She said she doesn't see any problem with me getting pregnant at this point, but I see lots of problems. 1. my weight. 2. blacking out (although, that's gotten much better!) 3. my blood sugar goes crazy with any change. She said all of that could be monitored, but I think I'm just too scared and want things to be healthier before I try that. She did inform me that since I had brain vasculitis I would have to get a shot everyday when I'm pregnant. Ouch. So, maybe in the next year or so, we have things to work on in the mean time.
Other than that, not much has been going on. Kennie and Sarah had their national basketball tournament, and did very well. Kennie lost to the team that eventually won in their grade level, and Sarah's team won first place! We were proud of both of them. Now, I'm just resting up and looking forward to getting into my new classroom. I'm looking forward to a healthier year, with a great group of kids.

I should have updated...

No blood clot, and I'm home as of Monday, and the best news of all - I haven't been back!!! They told us on Saturday there was no blood clot, but then they did an MRI on Sunday and they thought it showed something on the left side of my brain. I was told I was being sent back down for an MRI with contrast. So, back down to the MRI machine I went, but they didn't put any contrast in my IV, so I thought that was strange. I get settled back into my room, and a few minutes later they come in and say,"Mrs. Reagan, we need to take you down for a MRI with contrast." I told them I thought I was just down there for that, but apparently they did the wrong test, they did an MRA instead. Lovely, back to the MRI machine I go. Luckily I'm not one of those that freaks out over the MRI machine too much, but I wasn't too happy. It wasn't until Monday morning when they told me the second MRI came back normal, and it must have been an artifact on the first. Hm...ok. So, first I've been told probably a blood clot, but no. Then told probably a new spot on the brain, but no. At this point I was ready to go home, and my headache pain was down to about a 7-8, and the medicine wasn't working. In fact, I had an allergic reaction all over to the medicine they were giving me, after having it 4-5 times. I was fine the first few times, and then all of a sudden my arm was red and swollen, I started itching, and my throat was closing. What an adventure. The good news was I was able to still see fireworks on Saturday night from my room window. In fact, I was able to see the fireworks shows from several cities, so that was nice. Of course, Russell was up at my room from 8am-11pm each day. I didn't want him to have to spend the night. I didn't want to be there, I sure didn't want to force someone else to stay there. The yeller across the hall finally calmed down at night and I was able to sleep the last 2 nights I was there, but being home has been much better. Maggie and I spent most of the week resting up.
On Friday Russell and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. It's hard to believe it's been five years, but in other ways it seems like we've been together forever. He's so great to me, and I'm so thankful he married me. On Friday Kasey and I went to lunch and went for pedicures. That night Russell and I went back to the horse races in the rain and had a great time. We didn't win any money, but we did have a great time being together. Lots of laughs and teasing over who would be better at picking the winning horse. Apparently, neither one of us are good at that!!
On our way home we started talking about his mom, Penny. It's hard to believe she's gone, but we are so thankful she was there five years ago to celebrate our special day. She's buried in the dress she wore to our wedding, and she just glowed in that dress that day. We miss her terribly, and somedays I'm not sure how Russell is able to handle things so well. I'm afraid someday he will wake up and reality will hit him that she's really gone, but I guess if that happens it will be ok. It's just still unbelievable, and if I sit and think about it I can't help but cry. I feel like she is going to miss out on so much, but I guess not really. She's still with us, and I need to remember that.
Ok, enough for tonight. I'm home, I'm feeling a little better, we are happily celebrating five years, and we miss his mom. That's a good summary. :)